Category Archives: Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes

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Griff Niblack

“If you’re yearning for the good old days, just turn off the air conditioning.” – Griff Niblack

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Bob Hope

“A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.” – Bob Hope

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Oscar Wilde

“How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.” – Oscar Wilde

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Charles Schulz

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Schulz

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Funny Quotes and Sayings

“A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t.” – Unknown

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Mark Twain

“I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.” – Mark Twain

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P. J. O’Rourke

“Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.” – P. J. O’Rourke

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Andy Rooney

“Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.” – Andy Rooney

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Jack Handey

“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.” – Jack Handey

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Casey Stengel

“All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.” – Casey Stengel

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E. B. White

“Be obscure clearly.” – E. B. White

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Tracey Ullman

“As I get older, I just prefer to knit.” – Tracey Ullman

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Groucho Marx

“A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.” – Groucho Marx

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Kevin Nealon

“A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.” – Kevin Nealon

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Groucho Marx

“Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.” – Groucho Marx

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Lana Turner

“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” – Lana Turner

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Bill Cosby

“A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.” – Bill Cosby

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Hedy Lamarr

“Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.” – Hedy Lamarr

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Yogi Berra

“A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.” – Yogi Berra

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Buddy Hackett

“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett